Jul 192014
 

“Six Catholics and three jews were sitting on a bench.  One of the Catholics asked the jews, “So how’d you get here?”  One  jew answered, “My father put his schmekel in my mother’s shmundie and  three mistresses later I was born.”  The second Jew answered, “It wasn’t so easy.  I had a choice of becoming a Mohel or sitting on a bench  with a bunch of dick heads. Oy!”  After a few minutes had passed the remaining jew replied, “So you want I should answer your question?  Did Jesus  ask the two guys hanging next to him how they got there?  Yes, and you know what they said to him?  “Same way you did.”  Jesus smiled and with his last breath said, “Funny, you don’t look…”

Anthony M. Kennedy

Catholic; Harvard; Reagan appt. Seated in 1988; Married; Three children.  So straight laced that his father offered to pay him $100  if just once he would do something requiring his parents to come pick him up at the local police station! Once described by the New York Times as “energetic, self-effacing, and immensely polite.” Kennedy was once asked to record an audio tape to cure insomnia.  Favorite saying, “Thank you.”

 

 

 

Antonin Scalia

Catholic. Harvard. Reagan appt. Seated 1986.  Has nine children by his first wife.  Married once. Chummy with Ruth Bader Ginsburg but that shouldn’t be held against her.  Antonin and his mirror twin Synonin grew up with opposing views.  First Italian American to serve (pasta) in the Supreme Court.  Loves opera and all things food.  Funniest judge on the bench according to justice Anthony Kennedy.  Biggest joke on the bench according to the rest of the world.  Hobbies include opposing all things liberal and force feeding justice Ginsberg.  Favorite Italian dish, “Sophia Loren”.

 

Clarence Thomas

Catholic. Yale. Daddy Bush appt. Seated 1991. He’s the courts most conservative member. Sexually harassed (allegedly) (yeah right) Anita Hill 1981-83.  Favorite saying, “Things go better with Coke.”    Other than that he has gone seven years without asking one question during oral arguments. Between 2003 and 2007, Virginia Thomas, a longtime conservative activist, earned $686,589 from the Heritage Foundation, according to a Common Cause review of the foundation’s IRS records. Thomas failed to note the income in his Supreme Court financial disclosure forms for those years, instead checking a box labeled “none” where “spousal noninvestment income” would be disclosed.  Besides talking dirty to the help and cheating on his taxes, he keeps a picture of a lesbian snowboarder on his desk AND presided at the 1994 marriage of radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh and his third wife, Marta. The marriage took place at Thomas’s home in Virginia.  Can you say, “Uncle Thomas?”

 

 

Ruth Bader Ginsburg

 

Jewish. Columbia. Clinton appt. Seated 1993. She was a cheerleader, the editor of her high school paper, a cello player in the orchestra, and was designated as a “rabbi” at her summer camp. The diminutive justice is five feet tall and weighs 100 lbs. as opposed to her good friend  Antonin Scalia who is five feet wide and his lunch weighs 100 lbs.  Her mom died of cancer the day before her high school graduation.   At her nomination to the Supreme Court she referenced her mom saying, “I pray that I may be all that she would have been had she lived in an age when women could aspire and achieve and daughters are cherished as much as sons.”   During her time as a professor and ACLU counsel, Ginsburg worked to advance various feminist causes. She helped write the ACLU brief in Reed v. Reed (1971), where the Supreme Court struck down an Idaho law that preferred men to women as executors of estates.  Favorite saying:  “Just shut up Antonin!”

 

Samuel Anthony Alito, Jr.

Catholic. Yale. “W” appt. Seated 2006. Only got his seat because “W’s” first miss pick was Harriet Miers.  How good can this guy be?  An over achiever in high school (active in 10 clubs) and valedictorian.  While an appellate federal judge, Alito picked up the nickname “Strip-Search Sammy” from critics of his dissenting opinion in the 2004 case Doe v. Groody. He argued that police officers did not violate any constitutional rights when they strip-searched a mother and her 10-year-old daughter.  Most interesting fact about Alito:  He has a younger sister named Rose.

 

 

Stephen G. Breyer

Jewish. Harvard. Clinton appt. Seated 1994. Consistently voted in favor of abortion rights.  Eagle Scout at age 12.  His hobbies are bird watching, cooking and biking.  The highlights of his life: He married Joanna Freda Hare, a psychologist and member of the British aristocracy and he was hit by a car in 1993.  BORING!

 

 

 

 

Elena Kagan

Jewish. Harvard. Obama appt. Seated 2010. A Mary Lou Retton look alike.  Hated by the NRA.  Her bio reads like a personals ad:  “SWL (Liberal?); smokes cigars; plays poker; needs help reaching items in grocery store; first female dean of Harvard Law School; never married; loves short walks on the beach at sunset.

While at Harvard, she led a campaign to block military recruiters from the Harvard campus, due to the discriminatory nature of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, and led a separate push to allow free morning coffee for students.

Bill Clinton nominated her to the U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia, but Senate Republicans blocked her nomination. The spot later went to her current colleague Chief Justice John Roberts.  Best response at a senate hearing:  “During hearings Sen. Lindsey Graham asked Kagan, in relation to a question about the Christmas Day Bomber, “where were you on Christmas day?” Responded Kagan: “You know, like all Jews, I was probably at a Chinese restaurant.”  Way to go bubbala!

 

Sonia Sotomayor

Catholic. Yale. Obama appt. Seated (finally) 2009.  Type 1 diabetes at age 7. Valedictorian of her High School class.  First Hispanic Justice to the Supreme Court. Became a lawyer after being inspired by the tv show Perry Mason. Gained 117 pound and developed dark circles under her eyes.  Unsigned posters of Erik Estrada decorate her bedroom and after meeting Chita Rivera she took up Salsa dancing.

Her favorite saying, “I would hope that a wise Latina woman with the richness of her experiences would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn’t lived that life.”  To which Clarence Thomas replied, “Huh?”

 

 

 

John G. Roberts, Jr.

Catholic. Harvard. “W” appt. Seated 2005.  He’s the Diana Ross of “These Supremes” and ever since his appointment to SCOTUS our country’s been singing “Good Morning Heartache” to this day.

This really sums up the guy: “During the Clinton administration, John Roberts returned to Hogan & Hartson as a partner where he became head of the appellate division arguing cases before the U.S. Supreme Court. During this time, Roberts argued in favor of a government regulation that banned abortion-related counseling by federally funded family-planning programs. In 1990, he wrote a brief that stated Roe v. Wade was wrongly decided and should be overturned and he co-authored a brief that argued in favor of clergy-led prayer at public school graduations. In November, 2000, Roberts traveled to Florida to advise then-Governor Jeb Bush on the recount of ballots during the 2000 presidential election between Al Gore and Bush’s brother, George W. Bush.”  Whatta guy!

There you have it.  Like it or not, these are the folks who determine our futures on a daily basis.  Whether you’re Catholic or Jewish; Latino or Lesbian;  Black wanting to be white;  Boring or really boring; male or male our opinions don’t matter.

What does matter is that we all go out and vote the next time these injustices are up for election.  Oh yeah I forgot.  We don’t have that right to choose either.  We get them by appointment only…FOR LIFE!