Nov 142013
 
new earth

Enormous hands in the sky seen by 10's.

Whether you're religious, spiritual, atheist or Capricorn, this UHS (Unidentified Hand Sighting) is believed to be the first of it's kind. Cynthia Rasmussen, a 12 year old Agnostic from Pacoima, California who just happened to be out for a walk at 2:13 a.m. Sunday, November 10th, 2013 submitted the photo.  Here's an excerpt from her interview with retired reporter Linda Alvarez, Alvarez:  "What was a 12-year-old girl doing out at 2:13 a.m. on a Sunday?  You're not even Latino." Rasmussen:  "I now understand why you were fired from CBS." Alvarez:  "Please explain in detail exactly what happened in those early morning hours when what appears to be the Hands of God materialized in the sky.  And how were you able to get such a clear photo of this phenomenon?" Rasmussen:  "Me and my boyfriend were out looking for night crawlers to sell to the local Food Bank when we heard this really loud noise in the sky.  It sounded like two huge hands trying to crack an egg.  Then there was this terrible smell.  My boyfriend accused me of floating an air biscuit so I got mad and tripped him." Alvarez:  "Thank you Cynthia." That's just one of the 10's of reported sightings.  Here's another report from an atheist in Hoopersville, Kentucky: "I'd just finished my business in the outhouse and was walkin' back to my trailer when I heard this really loud noise in the sky.  It sounded like two huge hands trying to crack an egg.  Then there was this terrible smell..." An evangelical from Indiana sent in this report: "It was 5:13 in the morning and I was frantically searching for a passage in the Bible that forbade oral sex.   As God is my witness I suddenly heard a loud noise coming from the heavens.  It sounded like two huge hands trying to crack an egg.  Then there was this terrible smell..." An astronomer, biblical numerologist and native of Pocatello, Idaho had this to say: "I've been astronomizing for a long time and I have never heard anything as loud or smelled anything as foul since my ex-wife laid a broccoli bomb on me." Whether you're a believer or not, something very loud and smelly happened in the early hours of November 10, 2013.  I was determined to get more verification of this event.  I spent nearly three minutes scouring all of the truthful internet sites for scientific data to corroborate the stories I've presented.  I will spend at least another half hour before I submit this for publication.  Here are some of my findings: As reported by the head of NASA's Photoshop Division:  "We did hear a sound like two huge hands trying to crack an egg.  Then there was this terrible smell.  We skimmed the 23 reports that came in and reviewed our tapes of every star, planet, email and telephone conversation that took place on the morning November 10th.  Our findings were conclusive.  Russia had launched a really cool looking weather balloon.  An exact replica of Putin's hands was used as the base of the balloon." As reported by the figurehead of the RSA (Russia Space Agency):  "As usual the Americans are lying.  Our weather balloons do not make noise; sure, on occasion they stink but now that we have Edward Snowden they will no longer leak." A statement by the president of the United States:  "What so very few U.S. citizens saw on the morning of November 10th can be explained away." A rebuttal statement by Vladimir Putin:  "Not anymore.  Eddy works for us now." You must draw your own conclusions from all of the data presented in this report.  Ask yourselves the tough questions: Did Cynthia Rasmussen really float an air biscuit? Will retired reporter Linda Alvarez ever get her Mexican accent back? Was the UHS a sign from God showing the creation of a New Earth breaking out from the rancid shell of an earth no longer viable?  Or was this Russia just floating another weather balloon?                    
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