May 312012
 

When a butler gets too Close

"An in-house scandal at the Vatican expanded dramatically yesterday with the arrest of the pope's butler, Paolo Gabriele, who was found with confidential documents on him and has been accused of leaking the private letters of Benedict XVI to the press, reports the New York Times." Confidential documents?  Private letters of the Pope's?  Involvement by a high-ranking cardinal?  What is this world coming to?  It's rumored that Gabriele also had a copy of Sandy Berger's How to Hide Damning Documents in Your Pants and Still Dress on the Left. Remember Sandy Berger aka "The Stuffer"?  He was President Clinton's national security advisor who crammed classified documents from the National Archives into his underpants.  He avoided jail time by admitting to spilling some plain Dannon yogurt on Monica Lewinsky's blue dress while she was hidden beneath Clinton's desk in the oval office.  So far Gabriele hasn't cut a deal but it's rumored that there's a cardinal or two quaking in their vestments because of leaking some embarrassing seminal liquid investment info to the press. But there's suspicion surrounding this scandal.  Many who know Paolo don't believe he acted alone.  A priest who knows Gabriele told the newspaper La Stampa on Saturday that he was "a man of simplicity" who would not have been able to organise (sic) a campaign of leaks.  "Why would he risk the good family life he built?" After all, he's the guy that dresses the Pope; rides shotgun in the pope mobile; has a wife and three kids and lives with a God wannabe on 108 acres of heaven.  Now that Paolo has been arrested, there are rumors that Silvio Berlusconi, the three time Prime Minister of Italy, is applying for the vacant position.  Since Silvio won't be doing jail time either for his little multimillion-dollar "bunga bunga" indiscretions, he's the perfect guy to explain the questionable Vatican banking ledger entries. My intuition tells me that this simmering tempest pot of popeable hot water will be whistling a different tune in the very near future.  My knowledge of the history of the Catholic Church and Vatican shenanigans screams Cover-Up!  Bottom line, any of the millions of young boys around the world who have been touched in the name of religion should file their lawsuits now.  I'm predicting the Vatican bank, sadly named "The Institute for Religious Works" (really!), will be filing for bankruptcy, (moral and financial) to avoid paying out anymore of their priestly bunga bunga indiscretions. What does all of this mean?  Not much really.  Sex, lies and Vatican cover-ups have been going on for over 2000 years with little or no repercussions to the church.  The Pope still popes; the cardinals still make idle assassination plans; wealthy sinners continue to have their sins laundered and "the boys" still do boys. What is God doing about all of this?  My guess is she's laughing her ass off and downsizing because a lot of her children aren't ever going to make it to the Big House.              
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